Honor thy Father...

I wrote this especially for my younger brothers and sister. Sometimes the best way to point something out or to teach something is in an indirect way and that is especially the case with a couple of my siblings! I'll post it here for comment and in the chance that someone else might be interested.

I was out working today, trying very hard to not get my clothes dirty because I had just gone through the very energy and time consuming process of washing them, which has a special significance for me because my washing is done with a tub and a hand wringer. I like to wear white shirts, and white things ought to be very white, now I have found out how hard it is to keep them that way!
It hasn’t always been this way, I remember back when I didn’t even think about getting my clothes dirty, I didn’t care because all I had to do was throw them in the basket (pile usually) at the end of the day and within a day or two would find them neatly folded on my bed ready for another day of mud, grease and stains. I had a great mom that always took care of the washing job, undoing that washing was my job, as was undoing the nicely done folding when I would hurriedly stuff the clothes in whatever drawer was the least full at the moment which always wrinkled and unfolded them terribly.
I don’t know what made me think of it today but when I was trying to stay clean so I would save myself a lot of work I realized finally how much unnecessary work I had put mom through all of those years, and I realized-almost like I had always known- that what I had done was a perfect case of dishonoring my mother! I put no stock or value in the fact that I always had clean and folded clothes, it was just the way it was and I deserved it. I finished what I was doing in time to get to town to attend some special music at a church and I determined to do a little more thorough checking on the subject of honoring ones parents as soon as I was finished for the evening. Why God chose dirty clothes to bring the subject to my attention I’ll never know!

Of course we all immediately think of the fifth commandment “Honor thy father and thy mother: that your days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God gives thee.” Ex. 20:12. But how many of us have a clear knowledge of what “Honor” especially in regards to our parents really means? I checked it out and it means to put weight to, promote or glory, in Strong’s, Webster puts it this way, “To reverence; to manifest the highest veneration for, in words and actions; to entertain the most exalted thoughts of; to worship; to adore.” I wonder how many of us keep our parents in that position? I know I certainly didn’t! In putting little weight or value to the work that mom did I was in a way putting little or no weight, value or esteem in her. I think the proper attitude would have been to think, “Mom has a lot of work to do already so I really should keep clean so I don’t add to that burden” And “Mom went to all of the trouble to fold or iron these for me so I should be really careful to keep them that way while I put them away so as not to spoil her work”.

I think it is often more constructive to look at the positive side of things and what we should be doing instead of the negatives and always dwelling on what is done wrong- not that there is not a place for that sort of thing.
So how can we honor our parents as young children? There are many ways I am sure, here are a few I can think of at the moment.

If we are asked to do something, to do it right away without questioning or complaining; and if we have complained or disobeyed we should take the example of the parable told in Matthew 21:28-31 “But what think ye? A certain man had two sons; and he came to the first, and said, son, go work today in my vineyard. He answered and said, I will not: but afterward he repented, and went. And he came to the second, and said likewise. And he answered and said, I go, sir: and went not. Which of the two did the will of his father?” I would say the first wouldn’t you?
Have you ever heard someone talking about their parents in a negative way when in conversation with someone? I know I have, and in my opinion that is possibly one of the biggest ways children dishonor their parents. Something I have noticed is, generally children learn this behavior from their parents when they talk badly about each other or other people! In all of our conversation whether it is at home with just our family or whether it is out with friends we should always speak of our parents with the highest regard, trust, and respect. Try to pretend that your dad is right there listening whenever you talk about him and the same for your mother, if we all were to do this I think the conversations would often be quite different from what they are! On a positive note, I have listened specifically for this kind of conversation in children and teenagers for several years to satisfy my curiosity as to what the effects of it are and I have noticed several families where this complaining and talking badly about parents is completely absent! The point of interest I have found in this is these particular young people appear to have a much smoother and happier life compared to those that talk badly and disrespect their parents. They are normal people with the everyday hard spots and troubles but dealing with them is so much easier and better done and is usually done as a family instead of individually. I would like to thank those who are doing well in this area, you know who you are. I would also like to encourage those who do not always honor their parents in what they say to really try changing that to honor and respect. What possible negative effect can there be? From what I can see it will do nothing but good and take just a little effort.
Another way young people can honor their parents is in appearance and how we behave towards others. Now that I am older I see how much of an honor it is to the parents when their children are neat and orderly and when they behave in a quiet and respectful manner, especially when in the company of others. Of course the opposite of this is also very true, if you are rude, loud and unpleasant it is a reflection on your parents and dishonors them. Proverbs 10:1 says “A wise son makes a glad father: but a foolish son is the heaviness (depression, grief, sorrow) of his mother.”

Proverbs 13:1 says “A wise son hears his father's instruction; but a scoffer (mocker) hears not rebuke.” I think this gives us another way to honor our parents, by listening! When our parents say something we should listen and put great weight to what they say, it is valuable. Not only is it valuable but it could also save you from going through a lot of trouble! It reminds me of something that happened quite some time ago now but is still like yesterday in my mind. I was about 13 or 14 years old and we had a 1949 Chevrolet truck that we used to haul water from our creek up to the tank that supplied the house with water. Being an old truck the brakes were more than questionable and to make it worse, the road to the creek was terribly steep with a high cliff at the end which was just perfectly situated for falling over if you lost control of whatever vehicle you were taking down. To make matters even more dangerous there was a pile of rocks at the bottom of the cliff just perfect for crashing into and would have caused some serious damage.
I was the main water truck driver at the time and since the truck had a low enough gear I could put it in low and carefully go down without needing the brakes too much. This time, before dad left for a few days he said the brakes were not safe and it wouldn’t be very safe to haul water until they were fixed. As can be expected we soon ran low on water and I decided I was perfectly capable of driving that truck even though dad thought it wasn’t safe; he hadn’t said I couldn’t go so it was not exactly a direct disobedience but awfully close I think since his intentions were clear! I got in the truck and headed towards the hill, when I was almost there I switched the gears in the rear differential to low for the slowing effect but just as it was in neutral the engine stopped, since the gear change mechanism was powered by vacuum and there was no vacuum without the engine running I was now stuck in neutral with absolutely no way to slow down much less stop! I had two choices, either quickly turn the truck sideways in the road and pray that it didn’t roll over or go right over the cliff at the bottom of the hill, I chose the first option and went right over an embankment, through some trees and shrubs and finally stopped up against a big stump in a pile of blackberry bushes. Of course this sort of experience is enough to scare anybody but for me being small enough that I could barely see over the dash it was terrifying! I had to use a great big winch truck to get the water truck out of there, thankfully it wasn’t damaged, the thick steel bumper had hit the stump and was strong enough to prevent further damage. Now if I had just listened to what dad had told me and waited until he got home to fix the brakes I could have avoided a very dangerous and terrifying predicament. Again “A wise son hears his father's instruction; but a scoffer hears not rebuke.” should be often on our minds so we don’t have to be reminded in such a drastic way!

Proverbs 15:20 says “A wise son makes a glad father; But a foolish man despises his mother.” Do you know of anyone that despises his mother? (Or father) The word despise means “disesteem” in Strong’s dictionary which also means “think against, reject, to have little regard for” The scripture says that the one who despises his mother is a fool; I don’t want to be a fool and I am sure you don’t either! On the other hand it says a wise son makes a glad father; Strong’s says that wise also means skillful. So, let’s do whatever we do the very best that we can and learn as much as we can because according to the proverb this makes a glad father.

I don’t like doing things unless I know the reason any more than anyone else I am sure, so my question is, why do we need to honor our parents? I mentioned one thing already; if we listen to them we can avoid a lot of problems and grief! Another very good reason is that God said to! Jesus said in John 14:15 “If you love me, keep my commandments.” Do we love Him? If so, we will honor our parents. Honoring our parents is one very good way we can show our love towards God; in fact, that is one way we learn how to love and honor God; by loving and honoring our parents when we are children, even when we don’t feel like it! 1st John 4:20 says “If a man say, I love God, and hates his brother, he is a liar: for he that loves not his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God who he has not seen? And this is the commandment we have from him, that he who loves God love his brother also.” This is quite serious, I would suggest stopping and re reading that scripture and really considering what it is saying and what it means.

What does it mean when it says in Exodus 20 “…that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God gives thee.”? One thing to take note of is what it talks about in Deuteronomy 21:18 “If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them: Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place; And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shall thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.” I would fear too! Though I don’t think this happens much anymore it is still a very vivid picture of how God views rebellion, disobedience and stubbornness, all of which is dishonoring our parents. What I wanted to point out though is, if this happened, that young man who didn’t honor his parents didn’t live long in the land! Let’s take the case of King David’s son Absalom (2 Samuel chapters 15 through 18). He decides that he would like to be the king and after a time of winning the hearts of the people right under the nose of his father he starts a rebellion, crowns himself king and chases his father David from the throne and from Jerusalem. In the war that follows Absalom is riding his mule when his long hair gets caught in the branches of an oak tree and he is pulled off of the mule and hangs there until Joab, who is King David’s general, finds him and stabs him to death. All from dishonoring his father! Another life that was seriously shortened by dishonoring his father. If we look at this commandment as quoted in Ephesians 6:1-3 it is even more clear I think “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honor thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou may live long on the earth.” I can’t see how it could me any more clear than that! It says it plainly, “This is right”!
These reasons show how serious dishonor is. Dishonor shows that children are not thankful, do not love their parents. This is dreadful! More dreadful is that dishonor shows a failure to love God.
I have heard several people say words to the effect of “But dad does this, or mom did that, or if he were only honorable or respectable!”
I’ve looked through the Bible, and I find plenty of scriptures, especially in Proverbs, that pertain to honoring our parents whether it is in the form of listening or obeying or any other way. Exodus 20:12 Ephesians 6:1-2 Proverbs 1:8, 4:10, 4:20, 5:1, 6:20, 7:1, 23:26, as well as many more. Nowhere do I find any exceptions or excuses, no conditions and no exemptions. It appears to me that we are to honor regardless of whether we feel like it or not. And another point that probably is missed by some people. If children do not obey both parents, they really honor neither, for the parents are one.

Another thing I have noticed, regardless of the Bible translation I read- and I have a lot of them- I do not find an age limit to this as so many people would like to find. I get the idea that most people would like it to read “Honor your father and mother until your 16th birthday, that it may be well with you…”
I have been asked several times, “What if they tell me to do something that would be disobeying God?” If it were me I would be very careful in that situation, first to be very sure it actually is something that would be disobeying God (we often think something is what it is not) and second, to remember that by disobeying my parents I am disobeying God too so it is a delicate thing! The best thing I can think of to do is to just talk to the parent about it! Can it be any simpler than that? Go to them with respect and not in an accusing way and talk to them about your concerns. Of course we should always go right to God with whatever problems we have as well, because He is so much better at the solutions than we are, He will give the way. We don’t have to only go to Him with our problems either, going to Him with our blessings and the good things, is something we should all do more often.
One effect of honoring our parents is that we get back that honor and more! I find it is a Biblical principle to give and you receive back with blessings added besides. Luke 6:38 “Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye give it shall be measured to you again.”
Of course the giving has to be in the right frame of mind, for someone to give $100 with the thought that he is going to get $200 back is not really giving, he is selling!
It really works, the more honor you give to your parents the more that comes down to you and the rest of your family, if done with the right spirit.

I have heard several teenagers complain from time to time “My dad doesn’t trust me to do anything!” My answer to that is, have you honored him and are you trustworthy? Try it, you may see results!
As much as they do not like to hear it, the older children have a greater responsibility here than the younger children. It's not the case that the children can let up in their honor of their parents when they become older; they must become more careful. Why? Because the younger brothers and sisters are watching and learning by example. Sometimes it is said that younger children show less honor to their parents because the parents become looser in their old age. That may be partly true. Is it not also the case that the younger children learn some disrespect form the older siblings?

In closing I would like to bring to mind what has to be the perfect example of a son honoring his father, there are many examples in the Bible of those who honor the one in authority over them, Joseph, Samuel, David, Daniel, and others, but I think the best and most clear example would be our savior Jesus himself. I don’t have room to go into all of the details that we can learn from His life that apply to this subject but I encourage you to look for yourself, I find that practically every thing He did on earth was to honor his Father in heaven. We would all do well to study His example and apply it to every area of our lives.
I have just scratched the surface on the subject but I didn’t intend on writing a book, just a paper or two! I may finish this in a part two sometime.