Regret

I was thinking again.
I always think, (well, sometimes I am sure I wasn’t thinking at the time I did something but that’s another subject.) but I was specifically thinking about the way things are and how this country is in such a mess. I’ll be writing about that too because I am a little disgusted with the whole thing, as usual when I think about that subject!

While I was thinking I was also cutting firewood. I have an old chainsaw, a 1974 model Stihl that ran perfectly until about a month ago when it just started running bad and then quit. Well, to make a long story short it is still “resting” in the corner while my firewood pile is shrinking at a rapid rate, though not as rapid as it was shrinking when it was -30 below zero outside! Since I am getting low, and since all attempts at reviving the old chainsaw, including a carburetor rebuild, have failed to convince it to start, I decided to pull out the old crosscut saw just to see if I could manage it. Now I am not that desperate and I still have some wood in the pile but I wanted to see how desperate I needed to be at the moment since I didn’t know if I needed to buy a new chainsaw today or if I could try a few more times to revive the old one. See, I never can make a story short, I always have to go on and on about little things that are not important and don’t contribute to what I am saying at all.
I cut an old dead elm tree down and started cutting pieces and when I needed a rest from the saw I split those pieces and when I needed a rest from the axe I stacked the pieces and by that time I was ready to pick up the saw again so it worked well. The problem I find is, how did the guys BC (before chainsaw) manage? I do think I could cut enough wood to keep warm all by hand but I would do nothing else all winter! I would be as strong as Sampson and eat like a horse and if I wasn’t cutting wood I would be sharpening the saw. Those guys must have had a lot more in their arms and backs than I do or else I am really missing something here. If anyone has any idea what I may be missing please let me know!
So I learned that if I didn’t get the chainsaw working I didn’t have to worry too much about freezing because I could cut enough to heat this little place all right, just not a whole full size house! I also got to thinking about how men are these days compared to our grandfathers and great grandfathers. I really admire the men and boys that could do all of these things like cut wood, build barns, farm all with horses and feed their big families to boot. I don’t know where they found the time or energy to sit by the fire, tell stories and carve wooden chains out of a stick of firewood at nights.
Even if it means I won’t have much time to sit around and be lazy I still like the life that isn’t tangled up with all of the nonsense of today. Well, less of it I guess, I can never get away from all of it unless I go live in the cemetery, in a coffin 6 feet under. And even then they will want a death certificate. I suppose they will demand that I sign and date it and present photo ID too. They want it for everything else.
The guys today have a lot to do, they get up in the morning, get in their car, go to work, come home in the evening and unwind in front of the TV and then go to bed to start the cycle all over again. It looks pretty dull and miserable to me, why bother having a family if all you see are the bills they leave? 150 years ago the men had a lot to do too, I guarantee it was a lot more physical work! But they had time for their families and they had time to enjoy what they were working for. All the men today have to look forward to is the day the divorce is finalized, the day the kids go off to college and the day they can finally retire. One elderly gentleman that is gone now but that I highly admire said to me once, “Retire? I don’t read anything in my Bible about retiring and I’ve been reading it for 80 years!” He is right you know!
Men today are pursuing the American dream with gusto, but they have forgotten to bring the family along with them. In the end, I wonder what they will regret more, having spent too much time with their wife and children or having made enough money to have paid enough in taxes to cover the salary of one IRS agent?
As I was listening to the music of the saw (Those old books talking about how the saw “sang” were not talking fluff, it is true, the saw does make music, it is neat.) I started thinking about regrets, what am I going to regret when I am an old man?
I probably won’t regret missing out on watching the latest movie out or driving the newest model car. I would regret missing out on spending time with a special friend or spending time with family. I know I would regret not having learned how to play that particular musical instrument I always wanted to, or harvesting that 100 bushel wheat crop or building that tire swing for the boys. I don’t think I’ll regret missing a business meeting, not driving to work every weekday or the fact that I didn’t have a college education. I’ll regret the times when I drove by the elderly neighbor’s place and didn’t stop in to cheer their day when I really did have time to do it, and I’ll certainly not regret the times that I do stop in. I know I would regret not telling someone I appreciated them when that was true, not saying how I liked someone’s work when I did, or saying I love you when I meant it. You often can’t go back and say those things when you would like to. I had never told my Mother that when she died, and I cannot go back and change that. I’ll always regret the fact that when God gave me 22 years to say something I should have, I never did it.
On that same line of thought, I know I’ll regret the times when I yelled at someone, lost my temper or said a lie. I’ll regret telling a younger brother or sister how stupid they were behaving or how dumb their favorite project was. I’ll never regret the times I wanted to say those things and bit my tongue instead!
If I am ever locked in a jail without access to a Bible will I regret all of the hours I spent memorizing scripture? If I spend my time listening to the local radio station instead of memorizing will I regret that? Will I ever regret the hours of time spent and pads of paper used writing letters to encourage someone special or in need, or will I regret helping the guy down the road that needs a hand with painting his barn?
Today at church I was chatting with my 101 year old neighbor lady about her upcoming 102nd birthday party. She asked me if I could come over to her house and play “Happy Birthday” on her piano for her on the big day. Now I can’t play that song worth beans and everyone knows it, but in the end, will I ever regret going over there and making her day a little brighter by playing the best I can? No. I know I would regret not playing it! Hmmm, I just had a thought. This will be fun. I’m going to see if I can convince Kyle to help me work up a fancy version of “Happy Birthday” with the piano and accordion and we can go play it for her. Maybe mix it up with something Beethoven or make parts for each of us or switch part of it to a minor key or back and forth or I don’t know what all we could do but it could be fun. And I don’t think it would be time spent that I’ll regret on my 102nd birthday.